Faith
by Queen-Misift-01
Summary: “Never run away from the past, face it and learn from it”.A Reela fic, Ray’s past is about to catch up fast and knock him off balance. Whilst dealing with his growing feelings for his ‘Roomie’ Neela. He struggles to become a father to his daughter.
1. TV Men, Mr Ted, and an angry Neela

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone in E.R unfortunately, I only own Little Ainslee Harper.

Title: Faith

Summary: "Never run away from the past, face it and learn from it".A Reela fic, Ray's past is about to catch up fast and knock him off balance. Whilst dealing with his growing feelings for his 'Roomie' Neela. He struggles to become a father to his daughter.

A/N: I know I have not updated in awhile but its been a busy year, I'm currently doing hoards of a-levels and picking Uni's so bare with me. To all my faithfull readers thanks for bearing with, never fear I will update!. Hope you enjoy my Reela fic, first ER one so NO FLAMES please, constructive reviews.

* * *

She giggled, watching the snowflake as it fell onto her hand. Then opening her mouth to catch them.

"Ains sweetie don't", came a voice. Ainslee Harper scowled at her mother's warning but carried onto trying to catch the flakes in her mouth.

"But mommy its fun watch!" She laughed showing her mother.

Kara Harper stared at her daughter, and smiled. She needed to make this vacation a good for one for Ainslee. It could be their last.

"I'll tell you what how about me and you go get a hot chocolate, and a muffin?" Kara wondered pointing to a place across the street.

Ainslee nodded, "Yeah!" She grabbed her mother's hand and they quickly walked across the road.

When they were seated in a booth nearest the window so Ainslee could still see the snow falling, Kara turned to her.

"You know Mommy's got to go see a doctor tomorrow right?"

Ainslee nodded, making shapes from the napkins that lay in front of her. "You gotta go see a head doctor".

"Right well remember when Mommy told you that she has a poorly head?" Kara asked slowly.

Ainslee nodded, not even concentrating on her mother. Kara took a deep breath, "Well Mommy might not get better". The last bit was said more quietly.

Ainslee looked up, "Not get better? But mommy you've only got a headache?", She answered as if her mom was stupid.

"Well Mommy's headache is really painful, and when she went to the doctor last week. He found something".

"What did he find Mommy?" Ainslee said in her childish voice.

"He found a lump", Kara managed to choke out the last word.

"A lump like when I fell that time and got one on my head?" Ainslee jabbered.

"Kinda sweetie".

"You made my lump go away, 'member Mommy? You sang the lumpy bumpy song!" Ainslee smiled at her mother. The gap in her front row of teeth evident, due to loosing the two front teeth a week ago to the tooth fairy.

"Well sweetie the lumpy bumpy song won't make my lump go away. It's been there too long", Kara said loudly, trying to explain to the five year old.

"You won't leave will you Mommy?"

Kara shook her head, and kissed Ainslee's forehead, "Never".

* * *

Ray Barnett paused, aimed his shot perfectly at let it fly. The paper ball flew through the air, and instead of hitting the trashcan. It hit Susan Lewis' head. She spun round, and Ray quickly turned away trying to look as if he was doing paperwork.

"Ray if you have no work to do, I can give you the yeast infection in three, or the head lac in four?" Susan suggested.

He smiled, "I'm swamped really, see so much work to do. I better call Wendall to check on the teenage suicide in cubicle three", Hopping off his chair, he practically ran towards the elevators.

He caught the elevator just in time and headed up to the third floor, to consult with Wendall about the suicide.

Strolling out, he passed the candy machine on the way. And looked at the candy bar that was calling out his name. He didn't notice the little girl stood by it, holding tightly onto a bear.

Her hands pressed against the glass, gazing at the candy inside. Her mouth watering, she continued to stare.

He placed his money, in a got two. He reached in to get them and handed her one.

"Here ya go kiddo".

She smiled, and accepted it thankfully.

"Where's your mom, and dad?" Ray wondered noticing the absence of the parents supervising her.

"Mommy's seeing the head doctor, I don't have a Daddy, he's far far away", She answered casually.

"The head doctor huh?"

The girl nodded, "Yep yep she's got a lumpy".

Ray was just about to answer when his pager went off, He checked the number. E.R. Sighing he gave the little girl his second candy bar telling her to enjoy and quickly walked back to the E.R.

* * *

Her deep brown eyes glanced around the room; Her mother was sat in the hospital bed facing her. She managed a weak smile.

"Mommy?" She questioned.

"Its ok baby, you can come sit up here with me", Kara encouraged.

Ainslee took a leap and jumped up on the bed, and sat between her mother and the end of the bed. Kara wiped some chocolate from her daughter's face.

"Why have you got chocolate around your face?" She asked softly.

Ainslee pulled away, "Some man brought me candy".

"Ainslee Maria Harper what have I told you about strangers!" Kara demanded.

Ainslee sighed and waved her little hand in the air, "Mommy its ok, he was a doctor".

"Oh that makes it alright does it?" Kara said smoothing down Ainslee's wild brown curls.

"Yep yep", She nodded. "Doctors help people Mommy", She said in a tone of voice that meant 'duh you should know'.

"Where's Mr Ted?" Kara wondered referring to the bear that Ainslee dragged everywhere with her.

"I don't know, Mommy I think I lost him!" Her voice getting high, tears welling up in her dark eyes.

"Its ok sweetie, I'll go look for him", one of the nurses gently reassured her, as she walked from the room.

"Mommy!" Her voice was urgent, and Kara looked up. "Yes baby".

"They will find Mr Ted right? cause he'll be all alone".

"Of course they will".

* * *

Neela gave a deep sigh, and brushed her jet-black hair from her face. She took a sip from her coffee, and glanced at the textbook.

"Do you ever stop working!" came Ray's jovial voice, as he stepped into the lounge.

"No I don't, do you ever stop annoying me!" She answered.

Ray sat down opposite her, "Couldn't do that".

"The TV. Man is coming tomorrow, I'm on an early shift do you think you could stay and wait for him?" Neela wondered looking up from the text book.

He sipped the coffee that he had just poured moments before, "Sorry no can do".

"What do you mean no can do, you're the only one who isn't on shift!" Neela said her voice raising an octave.

"Neela, I got a gig".

Neela stared at him, "At eight o'clock in the morning? I highly doubt it Ray. Look if your hooking up with some woman, then just say so. But your the one who wanted the damn satellite in the first place", She said loudly.

Ray gave a smile, "I know", He kicked his legs up on the empty chair, "Forty Nine channels for on 32.98 a month, pure genius".

"Then you sit and wait for the TV. Man to come and set up your stupid satellite, cause I'm going to be at work. I'm doing a double", Neela said angrily.

"Aw c'mon Neela don't be angry", Ray said softly trying to win her over.

"No!" She threw her hands up, "You wanted the damn thing, you wait for it!", and with that she stormed from the room leaving her text books in a pile on the table and Ray with a shocked expression on his face.

* * *

Ok thanks for Reading, and now press the lil' purple button and gimme a shout out to what you think, Next Chapter up shortly!

Luv ya

QM01


	2. Old Friends, Scary Suprises

Disclaimer: I own nothing, except Ainslee Harper.

A/N: Hey guys thanks for the reviews, hope you enjoy this chapter. My medical jargon is not too brilliant but I tried to research this as best as I could! Off to work now, to serve the masses at Tescos! Enjoy.

* * *

"I'm sorry Ms. Harper but the brain tumor you have seems to have grown at such a large scale. Its spread throughout the brain", the doctor began looking at his chart and then at Kara.

She felt unable to catch her breath, "What?" It was almost as if she hadn't heard him but she knew she had.

"Its a grade four malignant tumor. If it helps I can explain what has happened?" The doctor wondered.

She nodded, clueless of the horror that was about to unfold.

"Astrocytomas represents the most common type of glioma. And they develop from the supporting cells of the brain, which are star-shaped glial cells called astrocytes. With children it is considered to be more of low-grade tumour where in adults it is a high-grade tumour. Normally with Astrocytoma we would determine a course of Radiation Therapy after surgery. But in your case Ms. Harper the tumour is too advanced. With most higher grades cases, the astrocytomas have a tentacle like structure, which invades the surrounding tissue, which adds to the increase in intacranial pressure. These tentacles make it hard to remove the tumour through surgery. Sometimes the symptoms do not appear, until a trauma occurs like a car crash where it may be discovered during a head scan", the doctor ended.

The tears in her eyes were evident, "So I'm dying?"

He nodded, not being able to say it himself. "I'm sorry", He mumbled.

"Don't be, its not your fault, do you think I could borrow someone's phone? I need to make a call", Kara asked.

* * *

He saw her sat on the couch, her legs tucked up beneath her. A beer in one hand, and her cell in the other. She was rapidly talking in Punjabi, her face set in an angry glare. Closing the door quietly behind him, set the 'please forgive me' groceries on the table, hung his jacket up and went to get himself a beer.

Ray closed the fridge as Neela ended the conversation with a furious sounding Punjabi sentence. She angrily tossed the phone at the floor; it didn't break but made a thud.

"Jeez what did the phone do to you Neela?"

"Don't start Ray", She rubbed her temples.

"Bad call?"

She sipped her beer quickly, "My father, He's very difficult".

"Can't be as difficult as mine, he's six feet under", Ray gave a smile.

"Ray!"

He shrugged his shoulders, "What its nothing new, He died a lonely, useless alcoholic".

"My father, he's... he just wants the best for me. I sent him a check; I am paying for my brother to get through school now. It bounced, he's just angry", Neela, explained.

"Don't worry about my checks bounce all the time", He laughed. Neela gave Ray a glare, "Do you need some money, cause they paid us a little extra at the last gig", He offered.

Neela shook her head, "No I don't need money".

"If you do Neela, just ask. I know I owe you money from various things", He rattled on but she stopped him.

"Ray I'm not borrowing money from you ok?".

Suddenly the phone rang, Ray quickly answered it nodding and muttering.

He placed the phone back down, "I gotta go into work".

Neela noticed the change in his facial expression, "Ray what's wrong? do you want me to come with you?". But by the time she had said it, he was gone.

* * *

He stormed into the E.R., and saw Abby stood by the nurse's desk, "What the hell is going on!"

"She said she knew you, you're down as next of kin. I had to ring you, its procedure", Abby explained.

"What room is she in?" Ray demanded.

Abby didn't look at him, "Maybe you should."

"Room Abby!"

"Room five", She told him as he ran towards the room, opening the door and slamming it behind him.

Ray glanced at her, She was half awake. Laying on the gurney, the covers pulled up to her head. She groggily looked at him.

"I didn't want them too", She said quietly.

"But they did, what the hells going on Kara!" Ray said as he started pace the floor next to her.

"The doctors found a lump, it turned out to be a brain tumour", She said to him loudly.

He ran a hand threw his hair, "What? a brain tumour?".

She nodded, "I've got astrocytomas, its grade four".

"Shit, well when are they sending you to surgery, I'll go speak to the attending on call", Ray told her firmly, He started to walk away.

"You can't Ray, it's too advanced. There is nothing to do. I'm dying", Kara said slowly, the tears falling freely.

He gave a nervous laugh, "You came all the way out here to tell me this? cause if you did I do not need this right now", Ray said nastily.

"No I didn't, it was part of it".

He looked at her, "What was the main reason?"

"I came here to tell you that you have a daughter".

He coughed, "I have a what!"

"A daughter, you know a child".

"I know what a daughter is thank you, Why do I have one?" Ray wondered.

"Ray don't make me tell you the story of sex", Kara gave a smile.

He glared at her, "You mean to tell me I have a daughter I didn't know about and you are dying from a tumour! Just fucking great, anything else I need to know".

"She's right outside with that doctor woman, Annie, Amy whatever her name is".

His brows furrowed, "Her name's Abby".

"Well she's there with her, if you want to see her".

"What's gonna happen when you die? Who will look after the kid?".

"That's why I rang you, you're her father Ray. When I'm gone, your all she's got", Kara told him.

* * *

It had taken a hell of a lot of his courage to walk back into that room, Kara was the only person that Ray had truly loved. But they were young and stupid and it didn't work out. He never knew that when he left to join med school that she had been pregnant.

The little girl was led in by Abby; She gave him a knowing smile as she dropped the girl off. Ray held the bear in his hands that he had found lying on a gurney in the trauma room. He didn't know why he picked it up; it gave him some kind of comfort.

"Mr TED!" The girl cried running to the bear. "Mommy look they found Mr Ted! I bet he was scared", She said grabbing the bear from Ray and hugging it in his hands.

"Ainslee baby, Mommy wants you to meet someone", Kara said interrupting her daughter.

He took a breath, this was it. A life changing experience was about to hit him with the force of a truck, and it could go horribly wrong.

Ainslee glanced at Ray, "Who are you", She demanded. Her little hands going to her hips.

"This is Ray, Mommy's friend. Remember when Mommy told you about your Daddy living far away", Kara said softly to the child.

Ainslee nodded, Her brown curls swaying. Ray noticed the similarities between him and his daughter.

"Daddy lives far far away".

"Well sweetie, Daddy's not living far far away anymore. Mommy's sick, She's really sick. Its time for Daddy's to take care of you", Kara informed her.

Ray looked at his feet, telling himself to breathe regularly.

"Why can't you take care of me?" Ainslee asked her.

"Mommy's too sick, Daddy will be there for you now".

The five year old turned to Ray, "You won't leave me will you, Because Mommy promised she wouldn't", Ainslee said choking back her tears.

* * *

He held the sleeping child in his arms, as he struggled to open the door. After a few attempts, he managed it and he strolled in. He placed her into his bed, and pulled the covers up to her chin, left the door slightly ajar and headed straight to the drinks cabinet.

Father, He was a father. He now had actual responsibilities. Ray's head was swimming. He couldn't even think straight.

"You aware that we have a child in our apartment?" Came Neela's sleepy voice.

He turned to see her stood in her pyjamas, hair sticking up. And yawning slightly. The pyjamas had little fuzzy rabbits on them; He found it hard not to laugh.

"Its a long ass story Neela", He poured himself a shot of bourbon. She sat down next to him, and poured herself a shot.

"And I can't sleep".

"I got a call from Abby about a patient, somebody requesting next of kin. The next of kin was me; it was my old high school girlfriend Kara. She was admitted with a grade four, brain tumour. She can't have surgery it's too advanced, so basically she's dying. Oh and then to drop a bombshell, She tells me that I'm a father. I have a five-year-old daughter that I've never known about. And I'm now her legal guardian", He said to her.

Neela stared at him open mouthed, "You have a child, you Ray Barnett, a man who can't even take care of a TV. Man has a five year old".

"Don't, I'm just getting my head around it too".

She gave a smile, and placed a hand on his shoulder. "It'll be ok, I'm not good with kids but I can help you out if you want".

He smiled back, "I'm gonna need all the help I can get".

* * *

Alright people tell me what ya think, hit the lil' purple button!.

Luv ya

QMO1


	3. Sleeping Buddies, huh?

AN: Two Chapters for the price of one, for my evilness as a bad author

* * *

When he woke the next morning, Neela had happily seated Ainslee in front of the TV. With a bowl of cereal in her lap as she gazed at the screen. He rubbed his eyes, and Neela handed him a cup of coffee.

"Thanks, She ok?" He nodded towards Ainslee.

Neela gave a gentle nod, "She was asking for you awhile ago".

"I'll just go speak to her", Ray said walking over to her.

He sat in front of the TV and looked at her, "Did you sleep ok?"

"Like a bug in a rug", She giggled. "Mommy always says that".

He turned the TV. Off, "Neela said you were asking for me".

Ainslee smiled, a wide one. "I like her, she has a funny voice. I couldn't find you, you said you'd stay with me", Her voice changed.

"I know I'm sorry, but I'm here now. I have to go into work today, do you think you could maybe hang with Kara." He then corrected himself, "Mommy for a while".

"You are doctor, Neela's a doctor. Can I be a doctor? Doctors help people", Ainslee chattered.

"Of course you can, do you think you can stay with Neela. I've got to get ready for work?" Ray said standing up, Ainslee nodded. Jumped up from her sitting position, and ran towards Neela in the kitchen.

* * *

"Stay here ok, Mommy's asleep right now. Don't leave the nurses station ok? Sam will look after you", Ray told his daughter as he placed her on top of the nurses station. She held tightly onto Mr. Ted not wanting him to run away again. He leant in close, "If you ask Sam nicely, I bet she could find you some scrubs", He said pointing to the ones he was wearing.

Ainslee grinned, the gap coming into view, "Ok!" She leaned over and kissed his cheek, and made Mr. Ted kiss his cheek also.

"Sam!" He called as the curly haired nurse headed past him, "Yeah?" She stopped and looked up from her charts.

"Do you think you could do me a favor?"

"Ray I'm not covering your shift, and I'm not giving you twenty dollars", She said loudly. Ainslee laughed, and Sam looked to her.

"Hey there cutie", Sam smiled. Ainslee gave a shy wave, "Hi".

"Sam can you please look after Ainslee until her mom wakes up. She's in Room five. Keep her outta trouble", Ray said as he grabbed some charts.

"I'll see you in a bit kiddo"; He said walking away to tend to his patients.

She waved him goodbye, and turned to jabber to Sam, who was more than happy to listen.

* * *

Neela had just finished the sutures on the elderly man in front of her when she heard someone yell her name.

"NEEEEEELLLA!" She saw Ainslee run down the corridor towards her; She was now suited up in a large pair of scrubs that were tied together with a bit of cord so they wouldn't fall down. She had a little stethoscope around her neck and held on tightly to Mr. Ted.

"Hello Ainslee", She greeted.

"I'm so bored!" Ainslee said jumping in a chair and spinning around in it, squealing happily.

Neela put down the suture kit, Took of her gloves.

"How about we go see if your Mum has woken up", She held her hand out and Ainslee accepted it.

They hadn't stepped foot out of the room, when Ainslee piped up, "Why'd you talk so funny? Are you gonna stay with us long? Do like Ray?"

"I think we've already spoke about this, I'm from Britain that's why. I live with your Daddy, and he's a friend", Neela answered quickly.

"I'm sure people don't speak funny in Britain", She said raising an eyebrow. Kara was awake when they walked in, and Ray was sat by her bed. They seemed in deep conversation. Neela coughed announcing their presence but she shouldn't have bothered, as Ainslee was enough announcements herself. The kid seemed to have endless energy, just like Ray.

"Hey look at you, don't you look smart", Ray laughed. Ainslee jumped on the bed, and kissed her mother hello.

"Sam helped me, Look Mr. Ted's got scrubs too!"

Ray saw Neela stood at the door, "Kara this is Neela, Neela this is Kara".

Kara lifted herself up slightly, "Its nice to meet you, Ray tells me you are a great doctor".

Neela nodded, "Its nice to meet you as well, I must be getting back to my patients", She hurried quickly from the scene.

"She seems nice", Kara commented.

"She is nice", Ray told her. "She is Mommy! I like her lots. Even if she does talk funny", Ainslee butted in.

"Neela that's a strange name?"

Ray laughed softly, "Its Indian, Her parents are from the Punjab".

Kay grimaced as a surge of pain flashed through her, "You seem to know a lot about her". Ray glanced at her, "Do you want me to up your meds?"

"I'm fine, it's just a twinge. You gonna answer my question", She stroked her daughter's hair and watched as the now sleeping child's chest rose and fell.

"Yeah well she's my roomie".

Kara laughed weakly, "You don't look at roomies the way you look at her Ray".

* * *

He walked in an hours later than what he said he would, His guitar bag on his back. A chocolate cake, in the box in his left hand. Looking at his watch it was four am; He had to be at work in two hours. No point in sleeping. Looking the door behind him, He was just about to place the cake down. When Ainslee ran smack into his legs, "Neela's gonna get me!" She whispered hiding behind him.

The first thing that came into Ray's head was why on earth a five year old was up and running around at four am, he saw Neela hiding behind the couch, water pistol aimed. Now his head was swimming with thoughts, and bad ones kept popping up. Like Neela and water, wet t-shirts and Neela. He quickly shook them from his head, placing the cake down. He grabbed a hold of Ainslee.

"Well then we'd better get her back", He sniggered, snatching a bottle of water from the counter, and heading towards the couch in super stealth mode, Ainslee giggling all the way giving away their position. But Ray was just too quick for Neela; He opened the bottle, and threw it over her head. She let out a scream, as the cold water splashed down her face and her front. Glaring at him she let fire with the pistol intent on soaking him too. And that's exactly what she did, and just as he thought she was finished Ainslee grabbed a hidden water bottle and threw it at him. Now both girls were against him, he'd definitely lost the battle.

"Come on kiddo, off to bed its late", Ray told Ainslee who pouted in return.

"Its early", She retorted.

"Ainslee you'll be tired in the morning, go on go to bed", Neela advised. Ainslee nodded, and skipped off to her makeshift bedroom.

"That's psycho, she's my daughter. Yet she listens to you", He laughed, and dropped the empty bottle as a sign of defeat.

Neela laughed, and dropped her pistol. "Well who wouldn't listen to me, little late tonight aren't we?"

"I know, but the gig ran late, I ran into some old friends", Ray explained but Neela wasn't buying any of it.

"Ray you've got a kid now, like it or not you have one. You can't just be hopping off to gigs when you want. She needs you now"; Neela said firmly, Ray sighed. He knew Neela was right, Goddamn she was always right.

"I know, I know. God I suck at this, I'm a crappy dad", He said now wallowing in self-pity.

Neela placed a friendly arm around his shoulder, "Your not, your just new at it that's all".

He gave a yawn, "Well I better get the couch made up", He said slowly moving away.

"Why don't you have my bed, I don't mind sleeping on the couch", Neela offered.

"Neela I can't just chuck you from your room, its not nice", Ray said loudly.

Neela looked at him eyebrows raised, "Is this the same Dr Barnett?"

He looked at her, "I sleep on the left Dr Jumbomart".

* * *

She looked at the ceiling; it hadn't been part of the plan when he offered to share the bed with her. Neela had developed something for Ray over the last couple of weeks, and she couldn't quite deny it.

He had happily sprawled himself over the bed, and crossed the 'line' that divided the two. Neela however scrunched herself up, into a small fetal position. Sighing quietly she closed her eyes tight and tried to fall asleep.

After ten minutes of pretend asleep, She tried to count sheep. That didn't work either, She was screwed.

"Neela go to sleep", Ray mumbled as he turned over in his sleep.

"I can't", She whispered to him.

"Just close your eyes and sleep".

She shook her head, "I can't Ray".

His eyes opened and he looked at Neela, still finding the fuzzy rabbit pj's amusing. Turning to face her, he spoke.

"Counted sheep?"

"Yep doesn't work".

"Closed your eyes and tried to go to sleep?"

"Doesn't work".

"You are so goddamn annoying", Ray muttered, "I'm tired I want some sleep".

Neela frowned, "I'm not stopping you from sleeping".

"Really? all the talking your doing isn't helping", He snapped.

They heard the door creek open, "Neela?"

In the dim light Neela squinted and saw Ainslee stood at the door, Mr Ted in her hands.

"What's wrong?" Neela questioned.

She quickly ran towards the bed, and leaped in between Neela and Ray. Curling up to Neela, She started to cry.

Neela lay there not knowing what to do, She just held the little girl, "What's wrong", She asked gently.

"I had a bad dream", She hiccupped. Neela rubbed her back in smoothing circles, "Its ok now, we're here".

Ainslee looked up at her, the tears falling freely.

"Can I stay here"?

"Of course you can sweetie", Ray said softly.

"What about Mr. Ted?"

Neela laughed, "Of course he can".

"Why are you and Neela in the same bed", Ainslee wondered, the tears now practically dried up.

Ray and Neela both looked at each other, "Well that's because you're in my bed silly!" Ray answered quickly.

* * *

The E.R was hectic, and Neela was weighed down with patients. First on her list with Kara Harper, Ray ex-girlfriend and now dying cancer patient. Taking a deep breath, she walked into the room. Kara was asleep the drugs taking a heavy effect, her face almost gray.

"Ms. Harper", Neela spoke softly. Kara's eyes fluttered open, "Oh I'm sorry".

"I'm Dr Rasgotra, I'm just going to give you a check up. They don't have any beds upstairs that's why your here", Neela explained.

Kara nodded, "Oh ok, you can call me Kara".

"In that case call me Neela, How are you feeling today?" She grabbed a pen.

"I'm a little dizzy, I feel quite nauseous, and I've had a headache that's been there for about a week", She said smiling.

Neela smiled back and wrote it all down, "I'll see what I can do for you, the dizziness and nausea is part of the astrocytomas".

Neela went to stand up, "Can you stay?" Kara asked.

She turned looking confused, "I mean if you're not needed anywhere else", Kara said loudly. Remembering Dr Lewis' words, spend more time than five minutes with a patient, She nodded, "Of course I can, let me pull up a chair".

"How's Ainslee getting on? I know Ray found it hard at first. He's kinda difficult but once you get to know him, he's a pretty good guy", Kara said rubbing her temples.

Neela sat on the stool, "Let me tell you, before you came along with your daughter. Ray was the most irresponsible person in the entire E.R. Now he has responsibilities, its good. I think she's a little wary of him still, he's still learning".

"How long have you two been roomies?"

"Oh not long, just a couple of weeks. I was between places; it's a long story. He needed a roommate, there I was".

Kara nodded, taking it in. She waited before popping another question.

"So what do you think of Ray then?" She wondered.

"He can sometimes annoy the hell out of me, but half of the time can cheer me up. He's a good person, and an even better doctor. Although I do think he cares more about his band, than anything else", Neela admitted.

"So you like him then?"

"Of course, he's a friend".

Kara gave her a skeptical look, "More than a friend?"

"No of course not that would be highly unprofessional!" Neela was quick to defend herself.

"Neela you can tell me you know, I wouldn't tell him", Kara said almost desperate for a bit of gossip.

She gave a small smile, showing her teeth. She then bit her lip, "I don't know, I have these feelings for him. I like him alot".

"Well then say something", Kara encouraged. Neela shook her head, "Oh no I couldn't, He'd say no. I would look stupid".

"You wouldn't Neela, Do it and regret it a little or don't do it and regret it forever", Kara spoke wisely, Wincing again as the pain came back.

"Stay there, I'm going to get you some meds", Neela said as she rushed from the room.

* * *

Hit the lil button!

Luv ya!


	4. Letters of sadness

A/N: First I must apologise, I am a terrible authour, I do not keep within in deadline as my english lit teacher's will tell you all. I have had a lot going on these past months, exams, stress, work, life!. I can assure they will be some sort of organization within my brain!. Sorry for the delay , I hope you enjoy!

* * *

She pushed open the door with little energy, and stumbled in. It was past midnight and her double had just ended, all she wanted to do was crawl into bed and fall fast asleep.

But as soon she opened the door, sleep was suddenly the last thing on her mind. Ray was pacing the living room, in just a pair of sweats with a crying Ainslee and Mr Ted in his arms. Neela's eyes flew to his toned chest, and stayed there for a good ten minutes and then she snapped herself out of it. Dropping her bag on the floor, She walked over to him and mouthed a quick hello and what's wrong.

"Nightmare", He said rocking the child gently.

"I want Mommy!", Ainslee sniffled. She looked up and saw Neela.

"Mommy's not here sweetie, will me and Neela do?" Ray wondered.

Ainslee nodded an approval and rested her on his shoulder again, "How about we sit and watch TV. For a bit that always makes me sleepy", Ray suggested. He placed Ainslee on the couch and Neela happily flopped down too. Ray soon joined them with three glasses of milk; He sat between Neela and Ainslee, who was now laid next to him with her head resting on his chest.

"Rough shift?"

"Terrible, multiple traumas", She yawned. "I hate Wednesdays".

"Its Thursday now, you can't hate them they are great", He said smiling softly at her.

"I'm so tired, Dr Lewis keeps sticking me on these Doubles nearly every day. I can't take it anymore, and I'm not getting any sleep", Neela admitted.

Ray looked worriedly at her, "Why aren't you getting any sleep?"

"Oh its nothing, I just can't sleep sometimes that's all", Neela said starting to get embarrassed wishing she had said nothing at all.

"Is it me? Cause I know I hog the bed, and I fidget. If you want I will sleep on the couch", He offered again.

She shook her head, "No it's fine, I like having you sleep with me", immediately she wished she hadn't said that one, Neela begged the ground to open up and swallow her whole big time.

He smiled, "Yeah you're a pretty good pillow buddy too", He said, trying to make light of the situation.

They were still seated in the living room, both Ray and Ainslee sound asleep.

Neela cursed herself rapidly and regularly under her breath in Punjabi. "Stupid head!" She muttered. Her eyes still battling their war to stay awake, they closed without warning. And in her state of drowsiness she snuggled, closer to Ray's bare chest even venturing to place a hand over it, resting on his rib cage.

She felt him move slightly in his sleep, and his hand crawl up her back to rest on her hip and pull her closer to him. Neela smiled; thank god he was still asleep.

When he awoke bright and early the next morning, His hand had somehow risen in the night from the base of the couch to under Neela's skimpy excuse for a wife beater. Her arm resting on his chest, her face in an image of peacefulness. He just lay silently a minute wondering what to do, Gently he took his hand from under her top which was resting on her flat stomach, he placed her hand from chest on the couch, and moved off to make some coffee, hoping not to wake the two.

* * *

When she woke, the apartment was empty; Ray had gone to work taking Ainslee with him. He had left her a note on the counter; gingerly she picked it up and read it.

'Hey sleepyhead, you looked a total goner so decided to leave you sleeping. Hope the kid and me didn't wake you up, I know you're not on shift today. Do you want to meet up for dinner at Mc Donalds? Cheap and Cheerful I know. See ya around six-ish.

Ray and Ainslee'

She placed the note back down, and sighed. Ever since last night, She had been even more confused. In her state of slumber, Neela had placed a hand on his bare chest, and Ray had responded by putting his arm round her waist.

Neela needed to know what it meant, her past record with men hadn't been very good. Gallant was the only she really ever felt anything for, and now that was gone for good. She had ended whatever they had because of these confusing feelings she had from Ray.

Heading straight to the shower, She decided to take a long walk before meeting Ray tonight she needed to do some serious thinking.

* * *

"Alright now this is a clocking in card!" Ray said waving the card in front of Ainslee's face.

"Ok!" She giggled.

"No we use it to clock in and out, so work know that I'm here. So we just swipe it here and then we're done", He said handing it to her.

"Ok!" She swiped the card and giggled as she finished her little job. She handed the card back to him, "Are we going to Mc Donals?"

"Yes sweetie we're going to Mc Donalds".

Ainslee nodded, "I know that's what I said Mc Donals".

"Of course you did", He pocketed the card, and lifted her up into his arms as they left the hospital.

She looked up at him, "Are we seeing Neela?"

Ray nodded, "Yeah we are, Do you like Neela?"

Ainslee nodded, and pulled her hood up covering her hair and face from the falling snow, "I do, She's funny and she's nice".

"I think so too".

"Is she your special friend? Mommy says she is", Ainslee giggled leaning on Ray's shoulder.

"Not yet", Ray muttered. "What do you want at Mc Donalds?" He asked her quickly changing the subject.

"Hamburger, and fries, and juice!" She said loudly.

"Ok how about we catch the el and we can go get your happy meal!" Ray smiled.

"Yeah!" She said excitedly, Ray laughed. "Let's go kiddo".

* * *

"I wanna watch Nemo, can we see Nemo?" Ainslee begged as she looked through Ray's DVD collection, She held up the DVD and waved it.

"You own finding Nemo?" Neela asked smiling.

Ray nodded, "Dude it is the movie, little orange fish takes the world".

"I'll trust you then, I haven't seen it yet".

Ray looked at her shocked, "Why? Why haven't you seen it?".

"My life doesn't revolve around little orange fish that take over the world", Neela admitted.

"Ok that's where you're getting it wrong, he doesn't take over the world. He looses his dad, and they both embark on a huge journey", Ray explained.

"So can we watch Nemo", came Ainslee's voice again.

"Yeah we can watch it, I'll get some popcorn", Neela said reaching into a cupboard and grabbing a large bag of toffee popcorn. Ainslee had seated herself on the lap of Ray, and Neela sat on the left of him.

Within half an hour, Ainslee had fallen asleep and Neela was on the way too.

"Takin' on the jellies", Ray laughed along with the movie. He jabbed Neela's arm, "Yo Neela, you watchin'?" He demanded.

Neela didn't respond, her eyelids now closed. "Neela!" Ray said a little louder. He poked her in the arm, and she leaned a little closer towards him.

"Neela, Weaver needs you in trauma two!" Ray said loudly, jabbing her in the arm.

She shook awake, her eyes alert. "Huh? Weaver?. What? Where?", She demanded.

" Just playing", He laughed.

Neela gave him a death stare; "I can't believe you woke me up!"

"You're not watching the movie, you can't miss a single bit of Nemo", the punk doctor told her firmly.

"I bet, I'll go put Ainslee to bed, She'll be tired", Neela said getting up from her comfy position she placed the four year in her arms and wandered off to the bedroom.

She placed Ainslee in the bed that seemed all too large for her, and pulled the covers up to the chin, She wandered towards the couch again.

"Right c'mon then let's watch this movie", She said wide-awake. "Ray?" Neela got no answer, She peered to find Ray fast asleep and snoring sprawled out along the couch.

* * *

She looked at the letter in her hand, it was from him. He'd only been back in Iraq a week. Neela didn't want to open it; she placed it back on the table. She was well aware of her feelings for him a month ago, but now everything had changed.

Neela stared hard at the airmail letter; She took a deep breath and picked it up again. 'Well its not going to open all by itself is it?' She thought rationally.

Sliding the letter between her hands, She unfolded it and saw Michael's neat handwriting.

She read the usual exchange of words that served as a beginning to the letter.

Her eyes focused on the last paragraph;

'_I used to feel alone out here but your letters filled up the gap and I wait eagerly for the response to my letter. But when I came to County, I feel that the gap for you was not closed enough by my letters. You almost needed something more._

_It would be better if I could be there, I know. I understand that things would be great if we could spend a day, a night together._

_I thought that maybe I would be back here soon, back home.to you. But I feel that I'm still needed out here, so I won't be home. I know I will come back but when I do not know. And I don't want you Neela waiting around for me, for us. For something that might never happen. I owe it for you to move on with your life and find someone who can be there for you. My life has grown greater for knowing and loving you._

_I hope we can still be friends._

_Yours Michael Gallant'._

Neela dropped the letter; it floated to the floor lightly. She could feel the hot tears pricking at her eyes, and she quickly wiped them away. 'I guess I don't need to think about what to do anymore then', She thought angrily. Heading towards the refrigerator she grabbed herself a beer and popped the top.

How could she move on with her life? She thought Michael was her life?. Why had things changed so rapidly over the weeks?

The door opened and she heard father and daughter's jovial voices heading through the apartment.

"NEELA!" came a screech. Ainslee headed towards her and skidded at her feet. She gave Neela a hug.

"Are you crying?" The child demanded.

Neela shook her head, hoping her hair was covering most of her eyes and the waterfalls of tears that threatened to fall.

"Of course not, I've got a little dust in my eye", She lied.

"Hey Ains, I think its almost four", Ray said winking at her. Ainslee grinned, "DORA!" She cried racing over to the TV.

Ray looked at her, "You drinking at four in the afternoon?"

"Is there a problem with that?" Neela snapped.

He held his hands up in defensive, "No problem".

She rubbed her temples, "I know you're concerned, I'm just in a really bad mood now".

"You want to talk, I hear it helps?" Ray wondered.

"I can't", She began. "I gotta work", She placed the un-touched beer on the counter and grabbed her coat and walked out.

* * *

"Skinny latte?" came a voice.

Neela looked up and saw Ray stood in front of her holding out the coffee cup.

"Thanks", She accepted it. He sat down besides her, "Your not on shift, I checked the rotation today".

"I know, I just realised myself".

"You wanna share now?"

"I got a letter from Michael today", She said slowly.

"Oh can he not get any more leave?" Ray wondered looking at her.

"I don't know he didn't say, but he did that he thought it would be best if we threw everything we had, because he's probably staying in bloody Iraq!" Neela said angrily.

"Oh".

She sipped her coffee, "Yeah oh, How could he do that!" She fumed. "And in a bloody letter too!"

"It sucks I know it does, but there's nothing you can do about it. I mean if you love him, tell him and see what he says", Ray suggested.

Her brow furrowed, "But I don't know if I love him".

"You don't? I thought you too. Were all you know loved up"?

She nodded, "We were", 'And then you came along', She thought silently.

* * *

Hope your enjoyed the next installment, sorry it took forever. Keep those eyes peeled for the next one!.

Luv yas!

QM01


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